Do not get out of bed. Do not take a shower. Do not blow dry your hair. Do not put on makeup. Do not wear nice clothes today. Do not frown. Do not let them know you are hurt. Do not show how vulnerable you are. Do not call anyone to talk. Do not get into your car. Do not start the engine. Do not leave the house. Do not back out of the driveway. Do not drive down the road. Do not take a left at Maple Street. Do not pull into the parking lot. If you don’t want them to know, then simply do not go.
If you enter the parking lot, they will know that you are there. Someone will notice you. Then word will get around. Eventually, they will see you. They have seen you a dozen times before, some more than others. But there is this one side of you none of them have seen.
Of course, you entered the parking lot. You can easily predict what is to come, yet secretly hope you are the exception. What lies next is as dim as the parking lot. The pavement is as dark as a black hole. There are many cracks, through which people could easily fall, people like you. The parking space paint lines are faded, as though no one is worried about the upkeep. There are a few strands of weeds looking to grow life, but have picked the wrong spot.
You got out of your car and now you are going to walk into the building. It is only a matter of time before they all find out. You don’t want people to see how much of a mess you can really be. You are usually well put together, physically and emotionally. Today, you only have one of those going for you. You are always the happy girl. Your spirit is like a high sun in a cloudless sky. You never let anything get you down. You always see the sunshine. You never frown. Nothing ever goes wrong in your life. You have never cried in front of anyone since you turned thirteen. People wish they could have it all, like you do. You have never appeared vulnerable to anyone. You have never let anyone see you weak. This is your greatest fear. You want to maintain your image.
The first few steps were are as hard as you thought they would be. But the steps leading up into the building are a different story. They are lined with flowers, flowers that were once alive and now have only one fate. This is when it hits you. The sadness rolls in. The vulnerability is becoming obvious. The weakness is in your eyes. This is terrible for you. You are about to have a breakdown. There are about thirty people present at the moment. More will filter in and out. But you will not be one of them. You will stay. You will stay and everyone who passes will see. You are crying. You are hysterical. You are not the put-together person they imagined you to be anymore. You are not as strong as they thought you were. You are sad. The perfection in your life is gone. This one incident – let it be known – they found out.
---------- The Shady Side of the Mile ---------- 